I’m writing about disappointment because I’m disappointed in myself for the mistakes I made that led up to a terrible evening.
Let’s go back for a minute and let me explain what’s going on.
I have been getting help to fight my demons and become a better person. I have been getting advice on what and how to change in my life. I was trying my best to follow this advice but it’s not easy at first, I follow it at times and other times I’m my old self that don’t do the right thing.
This week was going very well, I was taking the advice that was givien to me and applying it to my daily life, it was going great! I was so happy because my outcome was amazing and my family was in a great mod because of it.
Expect yesterday… Yesterday morning o didn’t pay attention to my actions and my old self came out. That was the beginning of a chain of events that led up to my biggest mistake.
After my first slip up I continued to try and reverse what I had done wrong yest making the situation worse by continuing to bring it up instead of letting it go and just accept what I did and make a note not to do it again.
After that I felt as if I had to constantly talk and repair the damage I caused when Alli had to do was keep quiet and just go on with my day… Nope! I kept on like my old self …
I continue to say things that are bothering me yet in reality they are not even an issue only in my head they are. I brought up topics that didn’t even matter and those topics just made the day worse.
Great, more problems I need to fix now… I continue to cause more issues than is needed yet the day isn’t even over. Later that day I try to talk and make sure everything is ok because I fel it’s not, I feel like all the hard work I did prior to this day is all gone because of my actions of the day itself.
I wanted to be there and listen, not give my opinion and just listen to be a sponge of support and give my support in the best way possible. That’s where I made the biggest mistake of all. I didn’t listen and I let my actions taken over. I was told not to do something even though I wanted to. I just wanted to find a truth to a matter and I wanted to help in some way possible.
I went against all the advice that was givien to me, I did was I was told not to do and it was the nail in the coffen for me. I did it, I made the biggest mistake and let it destroy all the progress I made in the past week…
I thought I could help so I did what I thought was right but the truth is the issue was in the hands of someone else. Someone better qualified for the job and they had it under control.
It’s like if you have a undercover investigation going on and someone knows about it and tries to intervene yet they dont know what’s really going on so they ruin all the hard work you put I to it.
That’s similar to what I did last night. I intervened in something that was none of my business and took action.
I’m very disappointed in my self for slipping up like this
I was doing good
I was doing better
I slipped up and made mistakes
I didn’t pay attention
I didn’t listen
I knew I was wrong
I did it anyway
Now I’m regretting everything wishing I could take back what I did but I can’t so now I will have to pay the price for my actions and take this life lesson as the following.
When someones tells you not to get involved and to mind your own business, just do it. Don’t comment back, don’t say anything except “OK”
Things will go much easier for the most part. Let the other person continue their progress alone and just be there when they need you the most.